I finally received an email back from the Assistant DA in the county where my ex lives. She couldn’t have possibly been referring to the same man that I was married to for 14 years, the same man who verbally and emotionally tortured me…..and eventually our children. She couldn’t have investigated the same man that physically harmed my boys and sexually abused my daughter. There’s just no way.
Her email rambled on about how she had spoken with everyone involved and found that he had done NOTHING wrong. She talked about how great his conduct is and how he can teach Sunday School and coach soccer to small children if he wants. She’s also unwilling to stop him from contacting my daughter.
She also told me that the sexual abuse case against him was unsubstantiated.
So I emailed the records department for DCS again and asked about any appeal hearing or decision overturned. Maybe I had missed something?? He knew nothing about it. There is nothing in the record to indicate anything other than DCS, their regional team and their state team found that he HAD sexually abused my child.
My daughter has been clinically diagnosed with PTSD, Social Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder which is recurrent/severe. Her teachers saw signs of sexual abuse when she was six, I didn’t want to believe it. Looking back, I see that there were warning signs even though she wouldn’t speak up about the abuse.
I know what he did to my boys….I saw the abuse. It’s the reason we divorced. I heard the way he spoke to my kids. I know the lies he told them. They are all teenagers now and each tells the same story of how he abused them.
The cover up continues. He has gotten away with a crime. He will abuse again.
#nojustice #missedredflags #coverup #PTSD
I know there are parents who get the frightening news that no parent wants to hear…..their child has a terminal illness and it is likely they may die. The days are numbered and I am certain they cherish every moment.
My daughter does not have a physical illness and for that I am so thankful. But she has received a diagnosis of PTSD, social anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder/recurrent severe. She has suicidal thoughts, she’s made one attempt. To me this diagnosis feels terminal.
My beautiful, smart, perfectly healthy daughter is having her life slowly taken away from her by her “disorders”. She does not socialize, or go to sleepovers, nor does she ask to have friends come over. None of the “normal” things teen girls do. She has suicidal thoughts, feels hopeless and ugly. It’s not a physical disease that’s killing my daughter, it’s all in her head….the thoughts, the fears, the anxiety, flashbacks and nightmares.
There are no physical scars, no physical healing that can be done. She will always have her thoughts to cope with, fears to overcome, self esteem to reclaim. I’ve heard it can be done. I’ve heard people come through this after years of therapy with a way to deal with what happened, but it never goes away.
I’m angry. I’m more than angry. I’ve gone into a zone that I’ve never been before. It’s an emotion without description. It’s beyond anger at her father, beyond sadness for her stolen innocence, beyond the grief of my only daughter not getting to have normal teenage girl experiences. I’m simply just beyond it all.
#parenting #ptsd #stoleninnocence
She did it. I thought we were past the point of having to worry about suicidal thoughts, but she made an attempt. 2 weeks ago, after I went to bed, my daughter drank detergent after 2 (or more) girls began spamming her with messages about what an awful person she is.
These girls had been bullying her for weeks. She finally told her teacher. The girls were separated in the classroom. It continued. Eventually one of the girls was moved to another classroom. The glares and “go to hell” looks began happening in the hallway. And then on a Saturday night, possibly while they were having a sleepover, they began sending her awful messages accusing her of being a slut, fat, etc.
We ended up in the ER. Non toxic levels of the detergent, thankfully but now we have more crisis management in our lives and my daughter does not want to go back to school.
She has always loved school. We made a plan with her teachers to accommodate her and she is now isolated in the library in a small office with one teacher. It’s not fair. My daughter has been through so much already and its not fair. She has done nothing wrong, yet she is the one that has to be isolated.
My heart hurts because the damage had already been done when she was molested. And now because of these girls and their minions, my daughter is isolated at school. It’s not fair.
#banthebullies #ptsdhurts #
I thought we were in a good place. I thought things were going to be ok. I was wrong. Since Christmas, my daughter has suffered with nightmares and flashbacks. She asked to start therapy again.
I made the necessary phone calls and got her back in to see her therapist asap….but it wasn’t good enough. Saturday night, I went to bed early after suffering with a sinus infection all week. The kids were watching movies and relaxing, or so I thought, until my oldest woke me at 10pm to tell me my daughter drank bleach.
We rushed her to the ER where they ran every kind of test imaginable and we found the levels in her system were not toxic. She had actually consumed laundry detergent. After lots of tears and many discussions with various people, she told us random girls from school were spamming her Instagram with nasty messages, calling her “fat, ugly, slut”.
I text her father to tell him how much I hated him. I meant it. We’re not supposed to hate, but in that moment, that’s how I felt. He abused my baby. He made her feel worthless and ugly and for that, I truly hate him. He has scarred her for life and I’m angry about that because she cannot cope with certain situations.
PTSD/Anxiety was the final reason given for her suicide attempt. More meetings with the therapist, school, physicians, etc. to get to the bottom of the bullying. Apparently bullying is an epidemic just like the flu at her school. My suggestion to her…..punch them right in their big fat faces the next time they call you names. Right? No, but it made her laugh.
We have no justice. The only justice we will have is to expose the legal system that is helping to protect her perpetrator. We’ve started a Facebook page to help bring about more awareness. https://www.facebook.com/denied.justice.90
Please find us on Facebook……please help us seek justice in the best way we can…..
#deniedjustice #protecttheinnocent #justice4jo #suicideprevention #secondchance
If you are a survivor of a sexual assault, or the parent of one, I am sure you have heard those word….”just move on”. Or, it would be better if you/they could just forget about it and move on. Wowzers! Yes! It would be so much easier if there were some magic move-on wand that gave survivors amnesia. Then all of those flashbacks, nightmares, triggering situations and anxiety would all be a thing of the past 🙂
Nope…..just, NOPE! That’s not how it works unfortunately. My own mother is probably the most guilty of this in my own family. She will call me and want to know how my daughter is doing. I’ve learned I cannot tell her about our sleepless nights, the tears, the intrusive thoughts she’s having, or how I mourn for her that her innocence has been taken from her.
It is a very lonely feeling when you cannot talk to your own family about what you are going through. Those non helpful words of “it would be so much better if she’d just forget about all of that and move on”. I have done my part though. Since my mother has inquired about my daughter’s case, the therapy and how that’s a process (a long process), the investigations…..I have answered her questions only to be met with blank stares and the “just move on” statement that now has the same emotional feel as fingernails on a chalkboard.
I shut down after I hear those words and I definitely don’t want my daughter to hear them. She is in the difficult phase of her trauma therapy. She’s working through the events that took place with her dad and learning that what happened was not ok and it’s not her fault. My mother does not like the therapy my daughter is doing. She thinks it is prolonging my daughter’s ability to “move on”.
I thought maybe mom was right so I stopped her therapy for six months. Then the nightmares came back, more flashbacks and intrusive thoughts…..and then the anxiety attack. I immediately put her back in therapy.
Simply put, if you have not been through something then you do not have the right to give advice on the matter.
#deniedjustice #protecttheinnocent #justice4jo
Ok, so I admit, I am one of those people who has to know why things happen. I’m a natural investigator. If you have ever done any research on child molesters, you have likely seen the word “grooming”. This is where my research has brought me. I want to understand how molesters groom their victims.
According to my research, predators may do the following to groom a victim:
- Pay special attention to a child and make them feel special
- Isolate a child with the promise of a fun activity to get them alone
- Touch a child in the presence of his/her parents to make the child think touching is ok
- The first physical contact a predator has with a child is generally non sexual to desensitize them to being touched
- Predators often take advantage of a child’s natural sexual curiosity by telling “dirty jokes” or showing them pornography
- They often offer to play games or buy treats so they can eventually ask of favors in return
- Predators often offer a sympathetic ear and let a child confide in them when the parent disappoints the child
My ex husband has done all of the above. I have personally witnessed inappropriate jokes with children and heard him say things that made my skin crawl
He was removed from coaching a girls soccer team for making sexual suggestions and dirty jokes to the girls. Once he tried to get an pre-teen girl to let him give her a ride home from a school function. He was relentless. And the list goes on and on and on……
And then there’s that coven of bitches he surrounded himself with in the months and years following our divorce. First, one of my best friends, then my own sister, another friend from church and eventually a teacher. Each of these women left their husbands except for my sister but she is still a staunch supporter of the pedophile (he tells her what she likes to hear).
What do they all have in common? 2 things…..they are all extremely gullible….and they all have daughters. Daughters that were young when their mothers flocked to my ex as if he were a cult leader. Thus the name I’ve dubbed them….Coven of Bitches.
Do pedophiles ever stop on their own? Because our “justice system” seems to continually fail victims.
People love to speculate and blame when a school shooting happens. Or any mass shooting at all. Yesterday in Benton, KY a 15 year old student took a gun to school, killed 2 classmates and wounded many others. There are many victims, including the shooter.
I’m not going to defend his actions….murder is never an answer but in this case, it definitely should be learning opportunity for law enforcement and those in charge of protecting our children. According to the step-sister of this young man, he was abused as a child and bullied at school. My point is, what was missed? What could have or should have been done as an early intervention for this young man?
I can tell you that in the case of my own children, the initial investigation by the sheriff’s department and DCS case worker was a joke. My children have been slapped, pushed, had their hair pulled, been kicked in the rear by their dad, arms pulled and he even head butted them with his own head or shoved their own heads into each other. Bruises and scratches were left on their bodies by the man that was supposed to love and care for them. They were verbally assaulted by their dad over and over. They were brave enough to open up and talk about what happened to them. We reached out for help. We thought we would be protected. The investigators said all of the things that happened to my boys was just “militaristic style punishment”.
Maybe the school shooter in Benton, KY was told the same thing. We claim to have a Zero Tolerance for bullies in our schools, but do we really? We have laws through legislation that are supposed to be used to protect our children from abuse, but do they work? I’m going to go out on a limb and say more work needs to be done on both fronts.
As a mother of physically abused sons and a sexually abused daughter, I plan to hold the people in my children’s case accountable for shoving the truth under the rug. I’m on this mission for my kids, your kids and all kids who get overlooked by the system that is supposed to protect them. If we’re going to stop school shootings, we have to address abuse and bullying when it starts and deal with it before it makes headline news.
We are back in therapy. My bad for stopping her therapy in the first place. That’s what I get for listening to people in my life who don’t have a clue about raising a sex abuse victim. People kept telling me my daughter needs to “move on”, “forget about it”, “leave it in the past”. PTSD doesn’t work that way.
She made a post on Instagram yesterday about disliking the flashbacks about things she’d like to forget. I wish the people that mean well with their words of wisdom would stop and realize that they are not helping. She has to work through trauma therapy and move forward with her life. That doesn’t mean she will ever forget, it just means she will learn to deal with it.